Tonight I had dinner with my Dad, well my Mom and my Dad to be exact. My parents have made the trip up to where I live so that I can take them tomorrow to the consult with the radiology oncologist at the Cancer Center in New Jersey.
I have not seen either of my parents since the last consultation we had with my Dad’s radiologist. When he came into my house this afternoon, he looked tired. I wasn’t sure how I expected him to look. He kept asking me what plans was I making for dinner, to please not cook and let’s go out. When my parents come up I always want to make a big meal, because I figure it’s the least I can do while they are here, they always go all out for me when I come home, so I like to do the same when they are here. The first thing my Dad said after coming through the door was about the meal and where were we going. I said that I had dinner already going and we were eating here. His face dropped. I knew something else was going on. He then told me he hasn’t been able to eat that well at all. Mostly just rice and crackers lately. I am very worried. I tried not to make too much of the situation because I know we are going for answers tomorrow and now that will be a question that I have on my list for the doctor.
I am worried about my Dad, his physical well being, and his emotional well being. I hope I have enough strength for him tomorrow and for my Mom. I hope that he finds a bit of hope in whatever he is going to hear tomorrow. We are set to leave off in uncharted waters, I just hope he is not let down. I hope that even if he doesn’t hear the words he is looking for, that I can be strong enough for him to lean on and help him move on to the next phase, to conquer what we need to. Together.