We set up an appointment for a consult, with the radiologist who was in on the conference call during the surgery. We arrived for the consult. My sister and I had spent the week between the surgery and the radiologist appointment doing research. We read whatever we could get our hands on about MAC. And though we came prepared, the fact is, there really isn’t that much information available about this form of cancer. What I did find is repetitive and laced with a ton of medical terms that I had to look up one by one in order to fully understand what exactly I was reading, which was very time consuming. So together we compiled a list of questions for the radiologist. I wasn’t sure how much information I needed or if I even needed a “real” list of questions, I fully intended that once I had the cancer written down on a piece of paper and handed to my Mom that my Dad would have done some research on it. I could not have been more wrong. My instincts were way off. Having grown up with a Dad who came prepared for everything- and I mean everything- he had a list for everything, he researched everything, no matter what task he was going to tackle he did research on it beforehand. You an imagine my surprise when I showed up to meet them for the consult that my dad had no yellow legal pad with him. I however, had a folder filled with information and questions. In defense of my dad, he did have three questions written down on a small piece of paper, the same three I also had written down. They were however very general questions, and at that point it became very aware to me that he had no desire to want to know more about his cancer, other than what the doctors were going to tell him. I know now, it is his defense mechanism. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, wouldn’t depress him, wouldn’t beat him.
If you missed the first part of the journey you can catch up here.
I understand completely. I was scared to know too much and sometimes the more you research and read the more scared you get. In my opinion, and for me personally as a cancer survivor, there is being informed with enough info to make decisions and then there is just reading until you scare yourself silly. It is good that your Dad had you and your sister to help with this part, you can be the info gatherers and tell him what he needs to know. There will be less of a chance for him to get overwhelmed by things, as he is probably already on overload and in shock from being diagnosed. Hang in there and do what works for you while respecting and understanding your Dad’s needs!
If his attitude is to let his partners in this (doctors and staff) help him to fight, that’s good. He doesn’t know how to build the internal combustion engine to start it up and drive like hell.
He needs to be mad and determined to fight!
Prayers always.
Another great post on your new blog. Your dad is so lucky to have an amazing daughter like you. It’s easy to understand how someone in his situation would want that what I don’t know won’t hurt me approach, but it’s a good thing he has you and your sister helping him.
I would be just like your Dad, too, in his situation. For some reason, I’d rather not know anything bad about my health. He is lucky he has you and your sister, such a great support system.
Having gone through this three times, I will tell you that a lot of times the situation doesn’t become reality if you don’t face it. That could be what’s going on with your dad. He feels ok, so as long as he doesn’t write the questions down or make plans for specialists, he feels safe and healthy.
He knows he is sick, do the research for him, have it at the ready and be there for him when he needs it. I’m so glad he has such a fantastic support system.
*hugs*
[...] September 1, 2009 by topsurf If you missed the post from yesterday you can catch up here. [...]
I know it can be frustrating to have someone like that around. I am one of those people – I wait to be told what is going to happen, and don’t have any real desire to discover more. This only applies when it is me that is sick. Anyone else, I’m all over it.